Road Trip!
by Thermophile57
Summary: little oneshots. the title says it all. kakairu AU etcetc this is a fail
1. How To Silence The Insainty

"We're not lost." Kakashi snapped as the kids in the back yelled their brains out at each other. He turned to his boyfriend in the passenger's seat and gave him a pout. Iruka only smirked in his direction.

"Don't look at me; this teacher is on vacation." He turned his attention back to the paper on his clipboard he was correcting. Kakashi frowned at him but turned his eyes back to the road.

"Then why are you correcting? We're on vacation, Ruka. You shouldn't be working." Kakashi laced a hand with Iruka's and gave it a small squeeze.

Iruka looked at him fondly and stuffed the clipboard into his messenger bag, looking back at the three kids arguing in the backseat. The brunet squeezed his hand back and said, "Pull over."

"What?" Kakashi glanced at him with a brow raised. Iruka gave him an exasperated look and pulled his legs up onto his seat.

"Just do it." he commanded. Kakashi shrugged and slowed the car down till it came to a complete stop. By then, Iruka had shimmied until his knees were resting on either side of the shift stick between the seats of the little car. Kakashi turned to him.

"Okay, we're pulled over." Kakashi said simply with a shrug as he watched the brunet. Iruka smirked and grabbed Kakashi's cheeks, pulling him forward to kiss him intensely. Iruka's tongue darted out and coaxed Kakashi's to play. It was minutes before the teacher pulled back and settled back into his seat, leaving Kakashi dazed with huge eyes and the kids shocked. The brunet smirked.

"Two birds with one stone." Iruka gave Kakashi's hand another light tug, jogging the silver-haired man enough so he would get back on the road.

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><p>IMSORRYIMSORRY!<p>

i hate myself for only writing this... its suckish compared to everything else i write

these... things will be short little one-shots involving road trips... not in order...im bored and im stuck dont blame me for this crap...

writer's block! FAIW and Changeling are still going... but... im stuck

i need beta... but im too shy to ask anyone...help


	2. You Aren't Safe

i think i'm gonna go cry a river...no one reviewed on FAIW T-T

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><p>Iruka groaned. "Kakashi, I don't think this is a good idea."<p>

"Don't worry, Ru," the older man chided as he grabbed their suitcases from the trunk. "It's only one night and the place doesn't look to bad."

Iruka surveyed the motel a shuddered, making his feel dirty by just looking at it-and not in a perverted way-and shook his head. "I have a bad feeling about this."

The couple checked in and went to find their room. The place was small and the clerk at the desk was friendly but Iruka still felt the pit of his stomach churn with regret while Kakashi was oblivious.

They set their suitcases down on the bed and a cloud of dust was unleashed, leaving them both coughing.

"See!" Iruka pointed out. "This place could be crawling with diseases and bugs!"

"Aw, come on! You're overreacting. It's just a little bit of dust." the silver-haired man coughed out as he stripped the bed of its sheets and beat them outside to rid them of dust and other particles. "The worst that could happen is that one of us could get an STD."

"Then you're not getting anything tonight." Iruka stated and Kakashi felt fear well up inside him.

That night Iruka sulked on his side of the bed while Kakashi lay grumpily and cold on the other. Iruka nearly jumped out of his skin when a BAM! was heard from the next room. He gave up his pout and squirmed over to Kakashi, burying his face into Kakashi's chest when he was welcomed with open arms.

"I'm sorry, Ruka, but it's only for one night, okay?" Kakashi soothed his shaking lover with rubbing light circles into his back.

"I hope the night ends quickly then." Iruka muttered.

"Then go to sleep." Kakashi kissed the top of his head and the brunet closed his eyes reluctantly, both of them falling asleep ten minutes later.

The dawn came and Kakashi snuggled Iruka while saying, "Look, nothing bad happened."

The brunet hummed, "I guess."

They both dressed quickly packed their things but as they were heading out they were met with a frightening sight...

"My car..." Kakashi made out after coming out of pure shock three minutes later. His beautiful Mercedes SLS AMG had been stripped almost completely of all its main parts. Its wheels, engine, and other key components were gone along with its stereo system and doors. The older man sank to his knees as Iruka pursed his lips. "I hate to say this but... I told you so."

His lover almost burst out into tears at the statement and nodded somberly, pressing his fist to his mouth.  
>Iruka shook his head and had a thought that he wouldn't tell his broken-hearted man, 'I don't think our insurance covers this.'<p> 


	3. Nowhere Gets To People

Kakashi sighed as he angrily kicked the dust. Iruka sighed again from his spot on top of the trunk of their broken-down car. "Baby, calm down. It's okay."

"Okay!" the older man said disbelievingly as he spun around to face Iruka. "Okay? You think this is 'okay'? Us being stranded out here, in the middle of the desert with no food, water or way to connect with the outside world! Does this look 'okay' to you?"

"No but we'll figure a way out of this." Iruka was calm and composed as Kakashi waved his arms around.

"Look where we are, Iruka! You think someone's going to pass by and will give us a ride? Fat luck!" Kakashi scoffed out, his voice leaking with sarcasm. "Even if someone did pass they probably wouldn't even pick us up!"

"Calm down, baby, or you'll heat up and pass out." Iruka pleaded. "Please, you know how delicate your health is."

"Screw my health! Were going to die anyway!"

"You're blowing this out of proportion."

"Ha!" Kakashi scoffed and shook his head, breaking out suddenly into fits of hysterical laughter. Iruka watched until the other man's laughter died down before he collapsed face first into the ground.

Iruka sighed and hopped off the car to drag his boyfriend into its shade. He sat back down on the car and patently waited for what his boyfriend didn't remember; this was a well-used auto route that hundreds of trucks passed through each day.

The wait was long and boring now that Kakashi was out of commission but a cloud of dust finally came over the horizon, making Iruka sigh in relief. The brunet struggled to tow his boyfriend closer to the road before he held up his thumb for the driver of the arriving transport to see. Iruka smiled thankfully at the slightly obese man in the front seat when the truck came to a stop. He thanked the driver as he hauled Kakashi into the backseat and plopped down into the passenger's seat.

"He's not himself in the heat." Iruka explained as he pointed a thumb at the unconscious man in the back. The brunet asked if they could be dropped off at the nearest gas station and the trucker nodded in response.

"No problem, hot stuff." the fat driver said slyly as he reached over to stroke Iruka's thigh.

"Don't touch me." Iruka snarled quickly as he stared straight ahead with his arms crossed and the trucker snatched his hand back, afraid he wouldn't see it again.

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><p>3<p> 


	4. Chilling Out

"Kakashi?"

"Yes?"

"Where are the kids?"

"They're right-oh wait..."

"you lost the kids?"

"I didn't loose them!"

"oh yeah?"

"Yeah,"

"then where are they?"

"Somewhere at this gas station!"

"Oh that's just rich! I told you to keep an eye on them and instead you're...reading porn!"

"It's not porn."

"What is it then?"

"The proper term is 'erotica'. There's a difference."

"Well, I sorry I thought-wait a minute! We're getting off subject! The kids!"

"They'll be fine!"

"No, they won't! Maybe some trucker kidnapped them or they would have been attacked or-!"

"Or maybe they're standing right behind you."

"what?"

"Hey, Iruka they've got almost every flavor of slushy in there!"

"Yeah, I got cherry and Sasuke got blue!"

"And I got mango!"

"You jump to conclusions very quickly, love."

"Shut up."

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><p>yeah, wanted to try my hand at just doing diologue...try to picture what's happening<p> 


	5. In the Dark of the Night

Um...yeah...

No reason for this...

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><p>XxX<p>

It had gone dark more than a few hours ago. The only thing Kakashi could see ahead of him was the twists and turns of road to come and the long expanse of trees that went as far as the eye could see. The depressing thought was that civilization was over two hours away no matter which way you turned even if there was a road to turn onto, which there wasn't.

The night was quiet, though, with only the soft music spilling out of the radio and light breathing of the other passengers in the car for company, his companions having fallen asleep an hour or so back.

Kakashi glanced over into the rear-view mirror, smiling to himself despite his weariness at the sight that greeted him. The three kids in the back were sound asleep, Naruto leaning against the pillow Sakura had propped up on his shoulder with Sasuke on the other side of her, having dozed off with his elbow propped up on the door's armrest and his palm as a makeshift pillow.

It was such a picturesque scene that Kakashi could almost forget what little hellions they could be when they were awake, almost being the keyword, remembering how they had been bickering about who had stolen the other's Gameboy (one of Iruka's old hand-me-downs) and which games belonged to who.

Looking over to his lover who was dozing with his ever so faint breathing reaching Kakashi's ears, Kakashi felt his troubles melt away at how serene Iruka looked curled onto the door and was content with how their vacation was going despite the mishaps and arguments they had. The man sighed as he thought of how nice it was going to be when they got there. The kids would be out of their hairs, exploring the hotel and visiting the pool while he and Iruka had a diner at a fancy restaurant then went for a moonlit walk on the beach. Then they could send the kids off to their Uncle's for the day and have the hotel room all to themselves….

Grinning with all the possibilities running through his head, Kakashi cranked up the stereo higher until it made all the other passengers shift in their sleep and pressed down harder on the gas, singing softly, _"Don't stop….believing!"_

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><p>This was actually just sitting in my hard-drive collecting dust so...<p>

-The Very Sick Bear


End file.
